Over and Over
by xx-Snow White Sorrow-xx
Summary: A Yullen songfic, using the song Over and Over by Three Days Grace. If you don't like hints shounen-ai/yaoi, then don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all, my Yullen muse has returned to me, and as a result, this songfic was born. Also, I know I'm a bit of a bitch for this, but the narrator is left undetermined, for the readers to decide upon and interpret as they will. The song used is 'Over and Over' by Three Days Grace. Enjoy!**

**Warnings- yaoi/shounen ai implications, angst and denial, swearing, etc.**

**Disclaimer- If I owned DGM, then Yullen would be canon, which unfortunately, it isn't (though hints are there). So no, I DON"T bloody own it, the illustrious Hoshino-sensei holds all rights.**

_I feel it everyday it's all the same_

_It brings me down but I'm the one to blame_

_I've tried everything to get away_

_So here I go again_

_Chasing you down again_

_Why do I do this?_

Each day, I fight with you, sometimes ignoring your existence, while other times I argue with you so fiercely that we frighten the others. But when I'm alone, things are slightly different. Ever time I close my eyes, I see what I deny in the world of the waking. Your eyes are my windows, because they allow me to see beyond the mask that you show the rest of them. Even if those others cannot realize that you're just acting, you can't fool me.

But then, why do I find myself fascinated by you, when we're so different? I hate you, and you hate me in return. So why do I look for you in the places where we sometimes cross paths? I am a different species from you, someone removed from your kind. So why can't I stay away?

_Over and over, over and over_

_I fall for you_

_Over and over, over and over_

_I try not to_

Despite what you say about me, I'm far from stupid. So I'm aware that others sometimes call this feeling attraction, if not obsession. I can barely keep my eyes away from you, and when we wage our personal war of words and fists, a part of me longs for true closeness, rather than this antagonistic distance.

I don't want this, because getting close to others will only cause problems in the future. We're in a war, and relationships drag us down. And so I hide my secret from the world, and most of all from you. I will not allow myself to be weak, and you tempt me to let go of my self-control whenever we lock gazes.

_It feels like everyday stays the same_

_It's dragging me down and I can't pull away_

_So here I go again_

_Chasing you down again_

_Why do I do this?_

If you knew how I felt, would you be disgusted, or would you return it? No matter how much I hate it, this thought tortures me every time I see you. You're taking over my mind, dragging me into the trap I've tried to avoid, but I can't escape, because a part of me doesn't want to escape you.

I try to run away, but I'm tied to you by my own lack of conviction, my failure of willpower. Instead, I follow you in the background, trying not to outright run after you, because that would just prove how desperate I really am.

_Over and over, over and over_

_I fall for you_

_Over and over, over and over_

_I try not to_

_Over and over, over and over_

_You make me fall for you_

_Over and over, over and over_

_You don't even try_

And every time I stop myself from reaching for you, I curse myself for loving you, but that traitorous part of me tells me to just give up and accept it already, because you're an addiction that I can't break. You don't even realize the hold you have over me, and this galls me the most.

You're too absorbed in your own troubles to acknowledge how I feel...or maybe you're just that dense. I resent you for that, but at the same time, I thank God that you haven't, not that I really think he'd give a damn.

_So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head_

_I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead_

_I know what's best for me_

_But I want you instead_

_I'll keep on wasting all my time_

I'm a coward for not admitting this to anyone, but then, who could I really tell? They'd probably be disgusted with me, and I don't want that. As much as I hate you for infecting my thoughts, for making me weak like this, I love you twice as much, no matter what I might say to you and everyone else.

I'm drawn in further by everything about you, but I hold myself back, because if I make a move, I'll ruin everything. Lusting after you like this is a waste of time, but the fact that this is forbidden just makes me want it all the more.

_Over and over, over and over_

_I fall for you_

_Over and over, over and over_

_I try not to_

_Over and over, over and over_

_You make me fall for you_

_Over and over, over and over_

_You don't even try to_

Even though its tearing me apart inside, I firmly stick to the dregs of my resolve, because there's no way in hell that you could truly accept my feelings, not ever. I know that I'm putting myself through hell, but in a war, these feelings have no place, so I will suffer in silence for both our sakes. And when you look me in the eyes, I can wonder what might have been, because it's my only way that I can have you, as we clash in our never-ending battles of words and actions.

**Okay, now the fangirls can start squealing/bashing me, it's done. Thank you for reading! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows, though reviews are highly appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, again, I'm doing a series of songfics for various pairings, this one is a Yullen (again), from Kanda's POV this time. I fervently hope that he isn't OOC...This one uses the song Beautiful Mine by The Butterfly Effect.**

**Warnings- Shounen-ai/Yaoi (Man on Man), angst, depressing content, dark themes, Kanda's foul mouth, spoilers for those who don't know about the 14th, etc.**

**Disclaimer- Is Yullen canon? No? Then I don't bloody own DGM.**

_Void to feel,_

_Broken the wheel._

_I am the reason you feel,_

_The reason you feel,_

_The reason you feel no more._

_Cage confines,_

_A beautiful mine._

_I, the way that you feel,_

_The long divides,_

_The cold divides,_

_The pain divides...you._

I stride down the street with my head down, alert for attack, but mainly focused on my thoughts. as you breathe in, your pale face framed by your silver-white bangs. You seem to be sleeping peacefully, but I know that that might change at any moment. For all I know, you might never wake, since all attempts to rouse you have failed so far. And even if you do wake, would it be you opening those metallic silver eyes, or will your eyes be molten gold, the eyes of the beast trapped within?

_I see you,_

_I see through._

I clench my fists as I stride forward, my steel-toed boots punishing the ground. Fuck it. I know that all this is my fault, and it just makes it worse. I'm the guilty party, because it's my fault that you're like this, my fault and no one else's. If I'd controlled myself, you wouldn't be caged within that blasted, mother-fucking Noah's grip. It's been three months, and it's only gotten worse, because even though you'd acted normal, I can see through the act, and you're slipping. Even now, in this comatose sleep induced by that bastard.

_Where will you be if you don't go,_

_You'll never find._

_What will you see if you don't look,_

_Then never mind._

_Never Mind._

_Never Mind._

If you lose yourself, then you can't keep your promise, can you? You'll never know that I truly regret what I did, that even though I hate you, I care about you more than I let on. If you don't look past the surface, then you won't see what I'm struggling to see myself.

_Touch the taste,_

_The empty embrace._

_I am the reason you run,_

_The reason you run,_

_The reason you run from here._

_The lost design for the beautiful mine_

_I, the way that you feel_

_The long divides,_

_The cold divides,_

_The pain divides...you._

I can almost taste your scent, that faint fragrance of vanilla and lilies, overlaid by blood and ashes. that moment when I ran you through. The loose embrace that You wrapped me in before you fell, sliding from my blade to lie upon the ground, broken and bloody, as your skin turned ashy. You ran from the order, and now I have to take my responsibility for driving you away, because while I hate that prison, you love it, and strive to protect those we worked with in that hellhole.

_I see you,_

_I see through._

And yet, during the last few months, your mask of false emotions was becoming so much more evident, because you weren't fine, no matter how much you smiled. I could tell that you were hiding your true opinions of the situation, and it made me hate you more, because you were denying something that I could understand.

_Where will you be if you don't go,_

_You'll never find._

_What will you see if you don't look,_

_Then never mind._

_Never Mind._

_Never Mind._

_How will you stand if you fall down and never try,_

_Looking for someone you'll never be, never find._

_Never find._

_Never find._

I stop, leaning against the wall in some obscure alleyway. Che. I briefly wonder if I'll be able to find my way back, but that doesn't matter at the moment. I need to think, to really get away for a moment, before I return to that room, where the little scientist moron stands guard over your sleeping body. You aren't going anywhere for a while, but still, when you wake, where will you go? Dammit, the Order has eyes and ears everywhere, it's a fucking miracle they haven't found you yet. And the Noah want to find you as well.

_(Again and again and again and again and again and again)_

If one sides get you, they'll put you on trial for something that's not your fault, and execute you without hesitation...the other will entrap you and erode your mind, to assist the Fourteenth in taking over. I can't let that happen, I can't let you fall, because you're Allen fucking Walker, the insufferable brat who keeps trying when anyone with sense would back away and give up. You're looking for that lunatic general of yours in the hope of a way to stay human, but if you give up now, there's no chance.

_Where will you be if you don't go,_

_You'll never find._

_What will you see if you don't look,_

_Then never mind._

_Never Mind._

_Never Mind._

_How will you stand if you fall down and never try,_

_Looking for someone you'll never be, never find._

_Beautiful Mine._

I turn around, making my way back to the inn. If you're going to wake up yourself, and keep walking like the stubborn moron that you are, I'll go with you, because it's all that I can do to atone for my crime, for making you your own worst if you can't keep your promise to stay yourself, then I'll keep my return promise- I'll kill you, to keep that Noah from taking your place. I can't deny it anymore- I don't hate you as much as I hate myself, and as someone once told me, there's a hell of a fine line between hating someone and loving someone, because if you hate, then you care, in some way. And no matter how much I wish it, I can't be indifferent to you, Allen Walker, the exorcist brat, Noah host, and the person who made me care again.

**Okay, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed. Flames will be used for burning barbie dolls, though reviews will motivate me to stop being a lazt=y bitch and get my arse in gear. Ja ne!**


End file.
